masquerade; paper faces on parade

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Was a tourist in my own country for the day. Wandering is fun and really different XD

And it prevents muscle aches.

Much Ado About Nothing was so sweet and really worth it :D Many thanks to Xuan for helping us chope a spot and for preparing sandwiches.

Watching Beatrice and Benedick on stage just isn't the same as watching them with real life ones quarreling behind you. *Ducks Xuan's attack*

I don't seem to have a lot to say, but today was really one of the best days of my life.

11:46 PM

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Jumping from your window would turn you...yellow XD

11:08 PM

Your definition of a "jerk" is a close description of something I'm going through too, but I wouldn't define it as that of a "jerk".

It isn't easy to be decent, especially when I've run into cardboard persons (maybe those are the jerks) in a world where cardboards and non-cardboards co-exist. Suddenly I'm filled with the illusion that the world is filled by only cardboard. Then come the traces of malice, selfishness and general ineptitude.

Which is why I said I find it difficult to trust.

11:04 PM

Your take on mountain flight is precisely why I said you are different.

11:02 PM

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

As long as I've learnt something, you're a good teacher (:

8:51 PM

I have a problem trusting people. It's not you, just not anybody.

8:48 PM

These fragments...

If they were to study my blog as a literature text 500 years from now, I expect the teacher might say something like, "The fragments highlight the breakdown of the author's emotional state..."

Maybe I wouldn't call them fragments: such a name lends a disoriented and muddled air to my thoughts. Beads, perhaps, beads on a necklace. Separate but whole.

There is no doubt something in me that causes my blog posts to be separated as frequently as the next blogger would hit the "Enter" key. What it is, I don't know. Or maybe there are so many reasons that I do know, fully know, and hence, don't know.

Whatever the causes are, you're right in saying continuity doesn't exist here. (See, I said you could read me.) For the same reasons a magician doesn't do the same trick twice, and a cat burglar lies low in between thefts, I want to, and almost find the innate need to, break up my posted thoughts. Even if my thoughts for the day run in on unbreakable string, as they usually do.

Call it a facade, fear, or plain enigma, but I find comfort in masquerading against the flowery beige wallpaper of my blog. Hiding, as it were, in between the boxes until my next (posted) thought bubbles through. You realise, as you scroll, the background never moves...

And it's ironic, isn't it? If what you say is true, one looking to fly over the mountains would have to fall through the valleyfloor to find the real me. Yet, all too often, people look for new airplanes to fly them over the highest mountains, making sure not to fall. But you seem different.

My gate, who lives at the foot of the mountains, doesn't have a keyhole, but uses fingerprint recognition XD. And she's taller than you, I think. I, I tell her to open for people.

*whispers to gate*

8:46 PM

About everything applies really, besides the letter and the Air Pwned You.
The Air Pwned You is definitely not for you, unless you're a jerk, which I don't think you are.

And you better not be. XD

6:38 PM

Living on the 22nd floor might have altered my thinking, you think?

6:26 PM

Sunday, May 24, 2009

OMG I've fallen into - what's this - Korean fever?!

Wonder Girls. Irony~~ ^.^

3:21 PM

Dearest darling Dear, please don't ever forget that I'm always there for you.

Attacks by stress, work and the Devil can make me quaver, but I'm still here! Sometimes I don't look like it, but I'm still listening, rest assured.

My face doesn't always reflect my heart: the former can tire and frown, the latter won't.

I'm really glad you talked to me, in all honesty too. I need to learn how to handle relationships with the same people under different conditions. With Kristen, and then with you. (:

Regarding the other situation...I did sense some of that emotion you said you were feeling, and similarly, I didn't know what to do about it. But as always, please understand, that has nothing to do with our friendship. :D

Loves,
Dear

3:04 PM

I understand boundaries. Everyone has them, including me. And like I've said before, I don't know how to probe, don't like to probe, and so don't probe.

Until I develop telepathy.

3:03 PM

First-class ticket to Cloud Number 9 on apt, sound, sanity and...Air Pwned You.

This is freedom, freedom is now. The sight, sound, smell, taste and touch of freedom is...free.
Happy 22nd Day of the Month.

Look at all those differences.
This is the list I should have been building from the very start.

3:02 PM

Memory is fiction, if only in this world. In a robot's world, perhaps it is collected in wholesome entirety, perfect, and perfectly meaningless. Then, in my world...eternal. Existence and memory. Time forgets, things forget, but I don't. In my world.

In this world, still, the lyrebird is alive. It is one to wring its neck, and then another to let it fly. Away.

My worlds are becoming miscible. This isn't good.

3:01 PM

Drama Night 2009 was, in short, moving. It's the first time the college has allowed student-initiation and I think the event was very fresh for just about anyone involved. Tears flow for reasons other than melancholy, I knew, but for that night, for the first time, I felt.

I'm really proud of all of you.
You really grew, you really flew, you really shone.

3:00 PM

That is a good question; my answer is really quite long too. But you know how my blogging style is like; the means are in conflict with the end.

2:59 PM

Saturday, May 23, 2009

I've stopped talking for so long I don't know how to start again.

3:22 PM

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The world, as a whole, can treat you like you don't exist when you disappear, but the world is made up of so many people you can never be sure. Some people remember your existence, even if your existence doesn't exist anymore.

Don't we all wander? Even for those with only one world. To move back, or move on, only you can dictate that.

Chance for me is up to you;
reason, that I have.
Haven't I said, "thanks for helping me breathe"?

You make it sound like randomness is the limit to what you can achieve. These currently flickering lights called real life, they can be turned off completely, or they can be turned on fully. I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of surreal entities, having had bad run-ins with them in the past. Man was not made for SMS alone.

No, I think you've done it.
I'm trying.

The importance of your disappearing is that high, when you don't explain.

为何着城市为所欲为
我只要只属于我的宇宙
给自己一些从来没有过的
宁静快乐季节
--小宇宙
苏打绿

12:31 AM

Thursday, May 14, 2009

My dear children,

Tomorrow's the day. The day you show your independence, the day you grow wings, the day you fly, the day you shine.

Today, I understood the meaning of the phrase "they'll always be (your) children". No matter how much you all have grown, why do I still see you at your youngest and cutest when I look at you? Without the memory of your imperfect childhood, the memory of all of you wouldn't be this perfect Now.

Hold each other's hands and never let go. This is all about putting on your show, not a show but your show, and enjoying the best out of it.

Oh, and showing the Other how well you all do it. :D

The Seventeen-year-old Divorcee

11:47 PM

Monday's breakdown was uncalled for and unsightly, but on hindsight it couldn't have been better placed. It certainly wouldn't do to have it on Wednesday.
Much as I tried to stay strong, some barriers put up are eventually knocked down I guess.
Thanks for helping me breathe.

Random thought: maybe I blog less and blog shorter because I'm afraid to give too much away. Especially when there are those out there who read me so well (: But it's still a good thing.

Acceptance comes after hysteria, in its own calm, cool yet maniacal way. I still try my best not to place the object in my line of vision, but I'm taking it a lot better now, even if the tears and imagination still strike.

I don't know where you stand on the view of the existence of this world, but even if you feel that it doesn't exist, there are people in this world who feel you exist. Even if these same people have other worlds to go to.

I do wonder, if people ever meet in more worlds than just one.

11:30 PM

Mama is so tired, yet Mama is so happy.

11:16 PM

Monday, May 11, 2009

You make it so hard to breathe. You, you, and you.

12:18 AM

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A plain flavour of enigma is about the most refreshing cup my soul has had in a while (:

Knowing who your daily readers are and adopting a conversational edge to your blogging style isn't so much a one-sided conversation if your daily readers partake in this conversation too. Problem is, the language and thought level is a tad out of my grasp, and while I can read and understand, my contributions to this conversation are, um, plain.

From whence does energy for life come?
"Energy for Living and Learning" is Nutella's slogan, and I think that's our answer. XD

In all seriousness, I think rest must be found. No doubt it isn't be physical sleep, because there is never enough time for that. And no doubt I've started a train of thought I can't complete, for I don't know where this rest is to be found.

Loneliness is...paradoxical.
1) You are empty, afraid and alone; I'm empty, afraid and alone; we both think we're alone; but it's alone simultaneously = both alone =/= alone.
2) I'm alone and yet I am not, and I can't grasp the concept of loneliness.

Like how I can't grasp the essence of you, or you me. (Which makes me wonder why you'd want to do that in the first place XD)

Will...the fact that Loneliness appears on your blog says quite a bit about your will, actually (:

I am enjoying my albums, yes, thank you very much :D The Submarines are, to me, an immensely happy sound without overtly appearing so. And they make good study music! Then there is the something about listening and enjoying something few people know about :D

Kamelot is...intriguing. Opera metal is really something special.

Gaarder and Tan have nothing to do with each other and I certainly do not weld them together! In fact I don't see how the Joy Luck characters would feel at home in Sophie's World XD

Here's to finding that much-needed rest.

*looks back in awe of longer-than-ever-written post*

9:29 PM

Monday, May 4, 2009

I fell asleep

starred in Tiak Hui the Director's Importance of Being Earnest
played Cecily
watched you get kicked off the role of Algernon (Thank God)

and woke up, back in my own bed.

No wonder I woke up happy :D

8:31 PM

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Dear Diary,

I'm beginning to understand how some parents develop an unexplained bias towards one child among the rest. They drive me up the wall sometimes; at other times they're perfect angels.

But I'm going to do all I can to fight it. I won't let this just go that way. If it does, the Other might get the upperhand.

I have enough love for all of them.
I have enough love for all of them.
I have enough love for all of them.

The Seventeen-year-old Divorcee

10:07 PM

Touch and fly
this, my indigo sky
~~flora synthetic~~
finding I.

触，飞，
深，蓝夜
白，黑，
找，真我。

Gracias.

9:20 PM

Dedicated as dedicated posts go, mine are pretty short. Told you I'm no good at writing on the computer (:

Come to think of it, I don't even write long paragraphs using pen.

Today I learnt quite a few things...
1. The moon is larger than we think it is.
2. Werewolves endorse Oral B.
3. Werewolves can SMS!
4. New ways to slay vampires >:D
5. Bacon rules the world.
6. The score is 1-0 XD
7. You can meet teachers at Kopitiam.
8. People eat baby octopus in oyster sauce?!

...and that I'm friends with the world's first random, informative and lame Werewolf.

XD.

8:43 PM

Disregard what we know
Well, your voice is so low
Will I stay, will I go
This evening
See the light on the rail
Reflect red off the tail lights
In front of us
Slowly leading

Heed my warning, my darling
Don't let the twilight drown
Feel the shoreline thriving
Turn around
Turn around
Turn around

Well we pull off the road
Sinking slow, sinking slow
And the gravel recedes into dust
And the unfaithful sun
Went to burn all alone
Just to love, just for love
Just for plain simple love

Heed my warning my darling
Don't let the twilight drown
Feel the shoreline thriving
Turn around
Turn around
Turn around

Strawberry Waltz
Meg & Dia

Don't let the (whole) twilight drown,
just Edward Cullen will do...

7:26 PM

Friday, May 1, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today I managed a feeble attempt at protecting two of my loves from the Other.
Feeble, yes, but I still managed.

I feel so tired.

The Seventeen-year-old Divorcee

10:46 PM