masquerade; paper faces on parade

Friday, October 31, 2008

How does she know he loves her?
How does she know he cares?

How does she know that he loves her?
How does he show her he loves her?
How does she know that he really, really, truely loves her?

How does she know that he loves her?
How did he show her he loves her?
She thinks she knows that he really, really, truely loves her

It's not enough to take the one you love for granted, she said
You must remind me, or I'll be inclined to say
"How do I know you love me?"
"How do I know you're mine?"

So he left her little notes to tell her she was on his mind
Sent her red roses when the sky was grey, but
He found a new girl to love him, maybe even two a day
That's how she thought
That's how she knew
He's her love

He had to be careful and show her
Make sure she wasn't a mind reader
Each day do something to need her
To believe he loved her

She thinks she deserves to live happily ever after
She wants to know their true love is true
How does she know he loves her?
How does she know he cares?

So he took her out dancing just so he could hold her close
Dedicated songs with words in just for her

She'll find her own heart lost in this
With the little things he'll do
That's how she knows
That's how she (thinks she) knows
He's her love

Because he's talking to other girls
Just a step behind her back
Saying those words she
thought he saved for her

Her heart will be his forever
Something everyday will show
That's how she knows
That's how he knows

That's how he knows that she loves him
That's how she shows him she loves him

That's how she knows...
That's how she knows...

He's her love.

How Does She Know
Amy Adams

This has been an AleinaEdit.

11:52 PM

I tried to deny your existence. But Aleina said, "Don't."
Acknowledge it, she said. Recognise it.

Then you can reverse it.

11:14 PM

Stop it already. It's really annoying.
What's it take for you guys to leave me alone?

Don't give Aleina another reason to kill him.

11:11 PM

Aleina says, "How does she know that he loves her?"

I shrugged and told her, it's a given.
Isn't it.

Aleina grinned and shook her head.

10:46 PM

I keep dreaming of the ticket scene.

Glorious theatre.

11:26 AM

Bring along your chopper.

11:25 AM

Aleina tucked your suicide note into my pocket.
She says, "Keep it as a memory. And a motive, a reason."

No need to tell you what for, I'm sure you can still read my mind.

11:24 AM

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I’m returning the love letters to you,
but I’ll keep your suicide note as a memory.

5:41 PM

Dear J,

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but my mafia wants you. I think I realized it when I saw you carve your initials onto my penpal. I’m sure you’re cowardly enough to understand that there is no solution to this. I’m returning the love letters to you, but I’ll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I told my psychiatrist about my new life as a clone, and also about the apartment building.

Go burn,
Lin

5:40 PM

Nickelback, Kerli and Aleina understand me.

5:38 PM

I think Aleina doesn't want you dead anymore.

Or at least, the idea isn't that alive in her mind.

So, count your lucky stars.
And try to catch more; she's been known to change her mind.

Even if she doesn't, maybe I'll decide to kill you instead.

2:56 PM

The one person who can make me 爆 my sms.

2:54 PM

Aleina says I'm being silly.

"Why are you so nervous when you know I'll be there?"

2:44 PM

Give your immortality to me; I'll set you up against the stars.

2:41 PM

Friday, October 24, 2008

Aleina means rock.

7:56 PM

Aleina's getting better. She didn't go to school with me today.

But today's a short day with plenty of free time, so she met me outside the gates after class and we went home together.

I told her about OP and we talked about how to improve on it. Then, she told me she saw Love's obituary in the papers today.

And we looked at each other and we laughed and we walked on air, home.

7:42 PM

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I have Aleina.
I'm not afraid of you anymore.

7:45 PM

I thought I loved you.

I thought I hated Aleina.

I guess things change.

7:40 PM

How many more signs do you want to plant?
I see you bloody everywhere.

Enough already.

Aleina's on her way.

7:39 PM

I should stop going home alone.

Everytime I do that, I sit at the bus stop and think, how easy it would be to just stand up and dash forward. Onto the road.

And disappear.

No, don't worry about me. I'm not the one with the deathwish. Someone else has one, and 24 hours ago I'd have tried to talk the person out of it.

24 hours later.
Heck, you got a deathwish, I can help you with it.

This is me, not Aleina. Though she'll help.

7:18 PM

That night, early morning.

I cried so hard, so bad.
Such sacrifice.

Peer down at sleeping forms and memories
pictures fleeting through my mind
I apologised to them all.

Sorry, Mom. Sorry, God.
I'm leaving, I said.

No, please don't ask why I did all that.
Or I'll grant you your deathwish. Now.

I was waiting on a different story.
Different book.
Different world.

7:13 PM

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Aleina. Please.

We're in public.

You can't just pop out like that.

5:02 PM

Aleina still wants you dead.
She says,"Ten times out of ten, a guy means, I love this."
This being playing, oh what fun.

You two share a damned first name and I get punched as I read that line.
Go on, tell me this isn't coincidence.

Reinvent back-stabbing.

12:59 PM

Aleina wants you dead.

Better not pick up any knives now, eh?

12:58 PM

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Aleina is getting stronger by the day. Today, she went to school with me.

I had to hide her in my pocket.

5:29 PM

This girl, she's a coward. She only comes out when no one's around. Like on the bus, or the train.

This could explain why I get all weird if, at the last minute, I can't go home alone.
It's her.

Lately, her definition of "no one around" is widening. She comes out even with others still around. But still, depending on who.

I've laughed in her face about this before, about this. If I can laugh in my own face. No, mirrors don't help.

This girl, she is me.

5:24 PM

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I laughed
I'm so gonna hold the hand of another guy

So the letters sent
Sorry, but I won't be able to write for awhile

And one name read but nobody cared, really

Even a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair.

11:34 AM

You said

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait

You know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go

On your knees, you asked
Last chance for one last dance
"Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand."

So I said

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long

"So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore,
Believe it."

Far Away
Nickelback

Yeah, right.
Spit.

11:33 AM

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling

This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking
and I've been wrong, I've been down

These five words in my head
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"

It's not like you didn't know
that I said I love you
and I swear I still do

It must have been so bad
Living with me must have damn near killed you

How You Remind Me
Nickelback

11:25 AM

You said
Someday, somehow
you gonna make it alright
but not right now

I know I'm wondering when
(You said I'm the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright, but not right now
I'm wondering, when

Well since we're here anyway
I hoped we could end up saying
Things we've always wanted to say
So we could end up stringing

But now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits, you said

But all we've got is a Hollywood horror.

Lately there's been too much of this
I think, it's too late.

Someday
Nickelback

10:41 AM

Yeah, sure.

It's okay
I understand.

9:23 AM

Flitter up and
hover down, Be
all around

You know that I love you
Go on

You'll feel this
unless you kill me
Go on
And you're forgiven

9:22 AM

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Two weeks.

But who's counting.

10:25 AM

He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care
I got no one to send a letter to
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you

You're too young for him, they told me
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again

I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
I'm
Never more to be alone when the letter says
A soldier's coming home

So the letters came
And he told her of his heart
It might be love and all of the things he was so scared of
Don't worry but I won't be able to write for awhile

The Lord's Prayer said
Anthem sang
A man said folks would you bow your heads
For a list of local battle dead

Crying all alone under the stands
Was a piccolo player in the marching band
And one name read but nobody really cared

But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair.

Travelin' Soldier
Dixie Chicks

10:19 AM

Friday, October 17, 2008

You know
I never get off at that bus-stop
I refuse to.

But the only other stop
is the one just before it
so that
all I have to do is look down the road.

And this fluffy commercial
stands in my way.

Dear Heavens,
Thank you for the world of advertising.

11:12 PM

There's a little creepy house
in a little creepy place
Little creepy town
in a little creepy world

Little creepy girl
with her little creepy face
saying funny things that she has never heard

Is she brave enough to figure out
Strong enough to leave her doubts

Little creepy girl
with her little creepy eyes

She will go and set the world on fire
No one ever thought she could do that

Flitter up and
hover down, Be
all around

You know that I love you
Go on

You'll feel this
unless you kill me
Go on
And you're forgiven

I'm really walking on air.

Walking On Air
Kerli

5:48 PM

I guess, when you have one too many, it makes it hard.

It could be easy,
but that's just who you are.

To think that I would be a victim.
Not another.

Say it, play it how you want to
But there's no way I'm never gonna fall for you.

Womanizer
Britney Spears

5:24 PM

不想紧紧地捉住
又不肯放手

损友
还是
好人

如果我会这样下去
还真应该快逃

雨天
听着
晴天

感觉像梦幻中
不必眨眼
不必呼吸
不必
活

5:21 PM

Wait, he says.
Won't hurt, he says.

5:02 PM

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Just one week ago.
Imagine my shock.

So, time does crawl.

5:04 PM

Saturday, October 11, 2008

"People who suffer from nightmares would benefit from the ability to be aware they are dreaming."

11:22 AM

Friday, October 10, 2008

I complain, that Singapore has not enough pretty.

No pretty beaches, no pretty landscapes, no pretty forests, no pretty four seasons.

So forgive me, when I find the skies too pretty. For me, for this land it is over.

And raw chocolate so good, it's a crime.
"Apparently, law enforcement personnel have actually never seen superfoods. Subsisting on a diet of processed foods and diet soda, they believe real food is a foreign substance."

That's human, isn't it? We resent but get used to things, then something odd pops up. Falling short of embracing it, our system rejects it. It's odd, weird, unnatural. Or we don't feel worthy of it.

God must be so exasperated with us.

4:58 PM

Everytime I look up at the sky, it looks too blue. Too blue in relative to this ugly world of our making.

Too perfect.

Over the urbanized monster streets, maybe it should be a smouldering yellow-orange. like on Venus. Or black, lacking.

Brilliant blue should be saved for the beaches.
I say save, because we don't have much sky left.

That's some of us, see, we have a problem with the lack of perfection. And, a problem with perfection.

Too.

4:46 PM

I look down
and he's there

without a head

I don't see how
that is surprising

isn't he always
without a head

true
you may be

but I've never seen
this physical manifestation

till now

4:42 PM

我
还来不及
仔仔细细
描述我应如何爱你

这感觉已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些应该体贴的感觉我没给

是我忽略
你不过要人陪

我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你我好累
我默背为你我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪
你的美
我不配

我不配
周杰伦

4:37 PM

Thursday, October 9, 2008

就算你说得算
我看
我听你的
是我算错了。

7:29 PM

I found myself wondering why I didn't do this earlier. Didn't just walk away.

Because I don't know where I stand.
In your world.

I could fight. But I choose to listen to what you once told me.

Yes, ironic, I know. It's the irony that keeps me laughing.

7:27 PM

These books, they're packaged normal. They're packaged "okay".

They have big print, like in the children's books. Thick, recycled paper. Eco-friendly.

You unknowingly pick them up. Dive into them. Get trapped.

Until you learn the name of the author, you learn to identify these books. Then, do you stop opening them. Reading them.

But it is always, always too late.

7:26 PM

These books, by this author.

This sort of people, all they ever read are his books. Everything he's ever written, it's what makes them.

Everything they are, he's made them.

So to understand this group people, all you ever need is to read those books.

And then become another person the world doesn't understand.

7:23 PM

are you tempremental?
because you seem to have seasons.

and now it's winter, isn't it?

the coldest part
blizzards and snowstorms

7:18 PM

Humans

we hear
what we want to hear.

7:02 PM

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

But
sometimes

this girl is all I have.

6:01 PM

This girl, she never thought she'd have her way back at me. No, if it wasn't for the digital age, she'd still be trapped where she was.

Inside.

Now, this girl is having her revenge. She is a digital native. She types things I have to face up to. She creates fake blogs in my name. She texts stuff I have to answer to.

She is a digital hermit. With a very different personality.

She's smart; she knows that what she does on the inside I have to face on the outside. This girl, she is making me write more and more like Chuck Palahniuk than ever.

And there is nothing I can do about it.

This girl, she is me.

6:00 PM

Sometime back I began doing this.

To this girl.

I'd put her through all sorts of things girls hate. Make her put on weight. Be taunted by the popular kids. Tell her secrets heavy with burden.

I'd control her life. When she awoke; when she slept. What she ate.

I feel her struggling against me, fighting. But she'll never win.

This girl, she is me.

5:52 PM

Sunday, October 5, 2008

10:48 PM

你知道吗

那天我
在脑海里飞行
有了灵感

拿起铅笔
让它在小册子
乱跑

跑着跑着
我就写起诗来了
一页接一页

写完后
往后看
就发现

你出现在我诗的每一页。

七里香
周杰伦

10:43 PM

10:19 PM

从前
从前
有个人爱你很久
但偏偏
风渐渐
把距离吹得好远

好不容易
又能再多爱一天
但故事的最后
你好像还是说了再见

你关心我的那天
帮我拿书的那天
教室那间
我依然看见

消失的沙滩
我好想陪你再跑一遍

晴天
周杰伦

10:08 PM

Saturday, October 4, 2008

偶尔

我还是会想起莲花爸所说的

这如此正确。

2:35 PM

Friday, October 3, 2008

trust me when I say
I don't know what came over me
I'm not normally like that

I'm sorry.
really, I am.

so it seems like I've swallowed a ball of fear
it's eating me
up from inside
such trembles pull me from sleep
my thudding heart throws me from my dreams

5:07 PM

Thursday, October 2, 2008

someone is praying
please let us come home to stay

4:31 PM